Did Yoooooooou Ever?
Friday, May 23, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Did You Ever
Analysis
"Ring ring ring ring," my alarm clock was going off louder then usual. I hit the snooze button but it didn't seem to be turning off. Finally, I got so fed up and I threw my alarm clock against the wall, hoping that it was just stop making noise. It was only 6:30 a.m. and school starts at 8:00 sharp. I'm glad I'm not in elementary school anymore because I would have to get up even earlier then that. So I stood up out of bed and went straight to the bathroom to get ready. I looked myself in the mirror and thought how much I hate school, but I knew that I had to be at the bus stop by 7:15. If I wasn't there by then, my day would just start off horrible. I rushed downstairs at 6:45 to eat breakfast and jumped on the couch to turn on the T.V. I missed my T.V. series that I always watch because I had to do stupid homework, but now that it's on, I was planning on watching it. It was commercial, and I looked at the time. Oh no, it was 7:12. I lost track of time so I grabbed my books and ran out the door. I sprinted as fast as I could because I had to be there by then. The bus actually didn't come until 7:25, but I liked being early. I just turned the corner and there she was. She was getting into her car with her friends on her way to school. Boy did she look fine as ever. Her hair would just glisten in the sun and her smile makes me melt. The only reason why I go early to the bus stop was to see Eva, the apple of my eye, the girl that makes my heart drop ever time I see her, the girl that I'm in love with. She lives right by the bus stop, so close that I could see her every morning greet her friends, get into her car and then go to school. I could just stare at her forever, wishing that she even knew my name, but she didn't. I just, wanted to get to know her; I wanted her to get to know me. I really think that I'm in love with her, the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on.
Watching her car drive off to school, I heard a big vehicle stop in front of me while sitting at the bus stop. Looking up, it was my mom, "hope in son, i'll give you a ride. I'm heading that way anyways," she said with a big smile on her face. I gave her a fake smile and opened the door; off to school we were. We finally got to school, about ten minutes later, and I kissed my mom and said bye.
I opened the doors to Winterfield High School; boy was this high school getting old. I was walking to my locker as my best friend, Kirstie jumped up to me with a big smile on her face. "Hey, how come you didn't return my calls from this weekend?" she questioned. "Ummm, I was a little busy family camping and stuff," I replied in a hurry. I tuned to talk to Kirstie, but then I saw Eva. I stood there, paralyzed by her beauty, thinking about how her life would be so much better with me in it. Kirstie was just staring back at me, with disgust. "I don't even know what you see in her, she's just a pretty face and fun to look at," she said, giving Eva a dirty stare. I could see it in Kirstie, she didn't like Eva at all. She always had something negative to say about her, but I didn't listen at all. Nothing could change my feelings about her, because she was absolutely perfect for me. I've never really looked at Kirstie then more than a friend, I mean, I've known her since I was a little boy. We go way back to the diaper days, but we're just best friends. I've heard rumos about how people thought that we were together, as in more than friends, and I think that's what she wants, but I don't think that I could do that. My heart truly lies in the hands of Eva.
People don't understand Eva, but I do. She's a beautiful person, on the inside and out. No one really can see it because she's gorgeous. Every time I see her, she takes my breath away. People don't really look at her like she's anything, because she's popular. I think that people only want her for one thing, and that's not for her personality, but that's why I'm so in love with her. Eva was in one of my classes when I was in 8th grade, and she was the smartest girl in our class. She sat by me in class and we had to do a paper on the book The Catcher in the Rye. It was a good book and we had to write a book report on it. Eva was a very fast reader and finished the book in less then a day. She already started on the book report before I ever opened the book.
I thought she was the smartest person that I knew in my whole entire life, and knew that she was everything that I wanted in a girl. Smart, beautiful, funny, and she even smelt good. Now that we are in High School, she is in all Honors classes and she a varsity cheerleader. She was going out with the Varsity Quarterback and I knew that I had no chance against him. I wouldn't get anywhere with her, and I wish that she would just, know how much I was in love with her for her and knew how much I cared for her. I wish that she would know that I would give her the world, and that I could give her the best, and only the best. I wish she knew that I would do absolutely nothing to hurt her and that she's the only thing that I think about. But I knew that wouldn't be happening soon, so I just stood on the side, thinking about what I would do if I knew she was mine, instead of being just a secret admirer. So I closed my locker with a smile, thinking about how perfect she is, knowing that I will always love Eva Miller, the love of my life since the 8th grade.
Did you Ever
By: Preciousz Savusa
I remember the first time i saw you on the block you were with your girls and you were looking kinda hot, so sexy when you pass me by it was love at first site girl i can't deny. Had to have you in my life, knowing you're the one that makes things right being the woman who was meant for me, did you ever think that this could be? A love intensify by one lease, emotions so strong it will not cease, mesmerized by your style, your pretty face girl i love your smile did you ever wonder how far we could go? I'll show you a passion only we could know.
Did you ever fall in love and know they didn't care
Did you ever feel like trying and know you would get nowhere
Did you ever look into their eyes and say a little prayer
Did you ever look into her heart and wish that your heart was there.
Did you ever?
Do you remember all them times i tried to getcha, i thought you was acting funny cuz you girls was witcha so i wasn't trippin, i just held back and chill waitin for the chance so i could tell ya how i feel baby i'm foreal, sometimes i sit and think about how i could have ya picture you walking by and have the courage to grab ya, to the side, telling you how what i feel till i open my eyes and realize it's all in my mind, damn, it's just a vision that i had but when i think about the time i tried to holla at ya, ya just laughed, but i ain't i mad, you got your reasons, you listen to other people but really you ain't gotta believe them. Don't be judging books by the cover if you ain't read the page cuz i show ya a love you never knew in so many ways, my mama told me if you love something let it go but if you even think about what i said you already know.
Did you ever fall in love and know they didn't care
Did you ever feel like trying and know you would get nowhere
Did you ever look into their eyes and say a little prayer
Did you ever look into her heart and wish that your heart was there.
Did you ever?
Girl i know you don't know me, i really don't know you and just a couple of things i really wanna do and it ain't gotta be sex, so we don't have to screw yes, it can be straight intellect conversation so cool, but i know you don't wanna go that route, you been hurt so many times you just cry out ouch, no doubt, i'm tryna change the game, putchu in a situation where you just wanna change your name, whos to blame for all this pain that we suffer, i climb through the rain, our love just get tougher, we don't need no? And we don't need no buffer, but i thank that God's hands and just trust each other be my lover and my friend and i tell you again, you will never have to worry i'll be down till the end, i commend you on everything that you do, let me show you that i'm real and that my love is true.
Did you ever fall in love and know they didn't care
Did you ever feel like trying and know you would get nowhere
Did you ever look into their eyes and say a little prayer
Did you ever look; into her heart and wish that your heart was there.
Did you ever?
Did you ever did you did you ever girl?
Did you ever did you did you ever girl?
Did you ever did you did you ever girl?
Cause' I love you.
* The reason that i choose to this song and to write the lyrics how i did was because i thought it would be different if i wrote from a guy's point of view. I know how it is when girls miss guys or wish that they would notice it, but i didn't realize it happens for both sex. I thought that it was would be a new experience for me to do that and now i know that guys have feelings and that they have minds of their own. My song is about true love and about true feelings. This song gives me another perspective on guys and how all guys have sensitive sides to them and how that girls should realize that too(:
"Ring ring ring ring," my alarm clock was going off louder then usual. I hit the snooze button but it didn't seem to be turning off. Finally, I got so fed up and I threw my alarm clock against the wall, hoping that it was just stop making noise. It was only 6:30 a.m. and school starts at 8:00 sharp. I'm glad I'm not in elementary school anymore because I would have to get up even earlier then that. So I stood up out of bed and went straight to the bathroom to get ready. I looked myself in the mirror and thought how much I hate school, but I knew that I had to be at the bus stop by 7:15. If I wasn't there by then, my day would just start off horrible. I rushed downstairs at 6:45 to eat breakfast and jumped on the couch to turn on the T.V. I missed my T.V. series that I always watch because I had to do stupid homework, but now that it's on, I was planning on watching it. It was commercial, and I looked at the time. Oh no, it was 7:12. I lost track of time so I grabbed my books and ran out the door. I sprinted as fast as I could because I had to be there by then. The bus actually didn't come until 7:25, but I liked being early. I just turned the corner and there she was. She was getting into her car with her friends on her way to school. Boy did she look fine as ever. Her hair would just glisten in the sun and her smile makes me melt. The only reason why I go early to the bus stop was to see Eva, the apple of my eye, the girl that makes my heart drop ever time I see her, the girl that I'm in love with. She lives right by the bus stop, so close that I could see her every morning greet her friends, get into her car and then go to school. I could just stare at her forever, wishing that she even knew my name, but she didn't. I just, wanted to get to know her; I wanted her to get to know me. I really think that I'm in love with her, the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on.
Watching her car drive off to school, I heard a big vehicle stop in front of me while sitting at the bus stop. Looking up, it was my mom, "hope in son, i'll give you a ride. I'm heading that way anyways," she said with a big smile on her face. I gave her a fake smile and opened the door; off to school we were. We finally got to school, about ten minutes later, and I kissed my mom and said bye.
I opened the doors to Winterfield High School; boy was this high school getting old. I was walking to my locker as my best friend, Kirstie jumped up to me with a big smile on her face. "Hey, how come you didn't return my calls from this weekend?" she questioned. "Ummm, I was a little busy family camping and stuff," I replied in a hurry. I tuned to talk to Kirstie, but then I saw Eva. I stood there, paralyzed by her beauty, thinking about how her life would be so much better with me in it. Kirstie was just staring back at me, with disgust. "I don't even know what you see in her, she's just a pretty face and fun to look at," she said, giving Eva a dirty stare. I could see it in Kirstie, she didn't like Eva at all. She always had something negative to say about her, but I didn't listen at all. Nothing could change my feelings about her, because she was absolutely perfect for me. I've never really looked at Kirstie then more than a friend, I mean, I've known her since I was a little boy. We go way back to the diaper days, but we're just best friends. I've heard rumos about how people thought that we were together, as in more than friends, and I think that's what she wants, but I don't think that I could do that. My heart truly lies in the hands of Eva.
People don't understand Eva, but I do. She's a beautiful person, on the inside and out. No one really can see it because she's gorgeous. Every time I see her, she takes my breath away. People don't really look at her like she's anything, because she's popular. I think that people only want her for one thing, and that's not for her personality, but that's why I'm so in love with her. Eva was in one of my classes when I was in 8th grade, and she was the smartest girl in our class. She sat by me in class and we had to do a paper on the book The Catcher in the Rye. It was a good book and we had to write a book report on it. Eva was a very fast reader and finished the book in less then a day. She already started on the book report before I ever opened the book.
I thought she was the smartest person that I knew in my whole entire life, and knew that she was everything that I wanted in a girl. Smart, beautiful, funny, and she even smelt good. Now that we are in High School, she is in all Honors classes and she a varsity cheerleader. She was going out with the Varsity Quarterback and I knew that I had no chance against him. I wouldn't get anywhere with her, and I wish that she would just, know how much I was in love with her for her and knew how much I cared for her. I wish that she would know that I would give her the world, and that I could give her the best, and only the best. I wish she knew that I would do absolutely nothing to hurt her and that she's the only thing that I think about. But I knew that wouldn't be happening soon, so I just stood on the side, thinking about what I would do if I knew she was mine, instead of being just a secret admirer. So I closed my locker with a smile, thinking about how perfect she is, knowing that I will always love Eva Miller, the love of my life since the 8th grade.
Did you Ever
By: Preciousz Savusa
I remember the first time i saw you on the block you were with your girls and you were looking kinda hot, so sexy when you pass me by it was love at first site girl i can't deny. Had to have you in my life, knowing you're the one that makes things right being the woman who was meant for me, did you ever think that this could be? A love intensify by one lease, emotions so strong it will not cease, mesmerized by your style, your pretty face girl i love your smile did you ever wonder how far we could go? I'll show you a passion only we could know.
Did you ever fall in love and know they didn't care
Did you ever feel like trying and know you would get nowhere
Did you ever look into their eyes and say a little prayer
Did you ever look into her heart and wish that your heart was there.
Did you ever?
Do you remember all them times i tried to getcha, i thought you was acting funny cuz you girls was witcha so i wasn't trippin, i just held back and chill waitin for the chance so i could tell ya how i feel baby i'm foreal, sometimes i sit and think about how i could have ya picture you walking by and have the courage to grab ya, to the side, telling you how what i feel till i open my eyes and realize it's all in my mind, damn, it's just a vision that i had but when i think about the time i tried to holla at ya, ya just laughed, but i ain't i mad, you got your reasons, you listen to other people but really you ain't gotta believe them. Don't be judging books by the cover if you ain't read the page cuz i show ya a love you never knew in so many ways, my mama told me if you love something let it go but if you even think about what i said you already know.
Did you ever fall in love and know they didn't care
Did you ever feel like trying and know you would get nowhere
Did you ever look into their eyes and say a little prayer
Did you ever look into her heart and wish that your heart was there.
Did you ever?
Girl i know you don't know me, i really don't know you and just a couple of things i really wanna do and it ain't gotta be sex, so we don't have to screw yes, it can be straight intellect conversation so cool, but i know you don't wanna go that route, you been hurt so many times you just cry out ouch, no doubt, i'm tryna change the game, putchu in a situation where you just wanna change your name, whos to blame for all this pain that we suffer, i climb through the rain, our love just get tougher, we don't need no? And we don't need no buffer, but i thank that God's hands and just trust each other be my lover and my friend and i tell you again, you will never have to worry i'll be down till the end, i commend you on everything that you do, let me show you that i'm real and that my love is true.
Did you ever fall in love and know they didn't care
Did you ever feel like trying and know you would get nowhere
Did you ever look into their eyes and say a little prayer
Did you ever look; into her heart and wish that your heart was there.
Did you ever?
Did you ever did you did you ever girl?
Did you ever did you did you ever girl?
Did you ever did you did you ever girl?
Cause' I love you.
* The reason that i choose to this song and to write the lyrics how i did was because i thought it would be different if i wrote from a guy's point of view. I know how it is when girls miss guys or wish that they would notice it, but i didn't realize it happens for both sex. I thought that it was would be a new experience for me to do that and now i know that guys have feelings and that they have minds of their own. My song is about true love and about true feelings. This song gives me another perspective on guys and how all guys have sensitive sides to them and how that girls should realize that too(:
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
sonnet(:
I love you from the bottom of my heart,
I'm so glad to know that you are all mine.
Praying that we will never be apart,
You respect me, never crossing the line.
You're always on my thoughts and my mind,
Through all my troubles you understand.
We are true love that lots of people can't find,
You don't judge me, but there to hold my hand.
When i see you, my heart begins to race,
When you love someone so deep down inside.
You always put a smile on my face,
It seems like there's nothing you could hide.
Hoping you'll never walk out of my life,
Waiting for the day you call me your wife.
Analysis
First of all, my topic that I chose to do my sonnet on was love. Love is a very strong word that is an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion for one another. I know that love is a very common thing to write about in poems or sonnets because that is a way to express your feelings or your thoughts, but I still chose to write about it. The reason I wrote about love was because I think that anyone who reads my sonnet can somehow relate to it. Even if people don't have significant others to spend their life with, they still have people in their lives who love them, whether it's their parents or their friends or family. Everyone at some point in their lives know that they love someone and know that that feelings they have is indescribable, that no one could ever replace them ever, and they know that they are going to love them for the rest of their lives. It doesn't matter how old you are to be able to get that feeling, because it can start at any age in life.
Sometimes when people lose their loved ones such as family members, of course, they are going to get sad and they are going to feel emptiness in their hearts. Sometimes people can't cope with the fact that they are gone and they usually need help to get over it. Most of the time, people need someone to talk to and even sometimes people feel that they need someone to fill that spot in their hearts and that is usually where people need the feeling of love from someone, such as a boyfriend or girlfriend. A lot of people are just the type of person to just want to be with someone for the wrong reasons, such as a physical relationship or they just want to be with someone for a short period of time. From that, you know that it isn't really love, but just lust. People feel that in their lives, they need someone to actually be called theirs, or someone to just feel safe with and talk to, but since they want it so bad, they look for someone for the wrong reasons.
In my life, I have a lot of people that love me and I have people who are physically and mentally there for me. I don't know what I would do without the people. Personally, when I was in Kindergarten, I started to have little crushes on the opposite sex. I knew that I would start to like boys because I was very attracted to them and they just stood out to me. Once I got older and matured, I still felt the same way with boys except I started to get involved with them. I learned that feelings and emotions are very much real and if you love someone truly and deeply, that you will never want to let them go, and that they are your everything. You feel such a great feeling that you cannot describe in words. There is just not a perfect way to describe the feeling of being loved. I think that love is such a beautiful thing that no one should take advantage of. When people say I love you, it is such a moving thing to hear filled with such mixed motions.
The first time someone told me that they loved me, I was petrified of it but I was so happy and I just, I was lost of words. I wasn't able to think, I didn't know what to do and I didn't know what I felt, I was so confused and astonished. I was so afraid when he told me he loved me because I wasn't sure that he really loved me and I just wasn't sure if I was ready to be loved. I was afraid of the commitment that I would have to make and I was afraid that I was getting in too deep. I thought that if I didn't say I loved him that he would just go away, like how I wanted him to, but he still didn't. He stuck with me for as long as I needed him to, and he never left my side. After everything, I knew exactly how I felt and I told him that I loved him too and I knew that I really did mean it. After I told him I loved him, I knew that this love was so true. People say that it is better to not be in a relationship with someone, but other times, I don't think so. I feel that having someone that is always there for you is something great. Whenever I feel down, he is the only person I think of, the only person I want to be able to talk to, the only person who can actually help me. I know that he will just be there to be able to listen to me, and not judge for my actions, but just love me for me. Some people just don't know how lucky they are to have someone to love them, because some people in the world don't know what it feels to be loved, they don't know how to or what to love. It's not just something you can say, but something you can feel. Love is genuinely precious, and no one and nothing can tell you differently if you know you love someone.
I'm so glad to know that you are all mine.
Praying that we will never be apart,
You respect me, never crossing the line.
You're always on my thoughts and my mind,
Through all my troubles you understand.
We are true love that lots of people can't find,
You don't judge me, but there to hold my hand.
When i see you, my heart begins to race,
When you love someone so deep down inside.
You always put a smile on my face,
It seems like there's nothing you could hide.
Hoping you'll never walk out of my life,
Waiting for the day you call me your wife.
Analysis
First of all, my topic that I chose to do my sonnet on was love. Love is a very strong word that is an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion for one another. I know that love is a very common thing to write about in poems or sonnets because that is a way to express your feelings or your thoughts, but I still chose to write about it. The reason I wrote about love was because I think that anyone who reads my sonnet can somehow relate to it. Even if people don't have significant others to spend their life with, they still have people in their lives who love them, whether it's their parents or their friends or family. Everyone at some point in their lives know that they love someone and know that that feelings they have is indescribable, that no one could ever replace them ever, and they know that they are going to love them for the rest of their lives. It doesn't matter how old you are to be able to get that feeling, because it can start at any age in life.
Sometimes when people lose their loved ones such as family members, of course, they are going to get sad and they are going to feel emptiness in their hearts. Sometimes people can't cope with the fact that they are gone and they usually need help to get over it. Most of the time, people need someone to talk to and even sometimes people feel that they need someone to fill that spot in their hearts and that is usually where people need the feeling of love from someone, such as a boyfriend or girlfriend. A lot of people are just the type of person to just want to be with someone for the wrong reasons, such as a physical relationship or they just want to be with someone for a short period of time. From that, you know that it isn't really love, but just lust. People feel that in their lives, they need someone to actually be called theirs, or someone to just feel safe with and talk to, but since they want it so bad, they look for someone for the wrong reasons.
In my life, I have a lot of people that love me and I have people who are physically and mentally there for me. I don't know what I would do without the people. Personally, when I was in Kindergarten, I started to have little crushes on the opposite sex. I knew that I would start to like boys because I was very attracted to them and they just stood out to me. Once I got older and matured, I still felt the same way with boys except I started to get involved with them. I learned that feelings and emotions are very much real and if you love someone truly and deeply, that you will never want to let them go, and that they are your everything. You feel such a great feeling that you cannot describe in words. There is just not a perfect way to describe the feeling of being loved. I think that love is such a beautiful thing that no one should take advantage of. When people say I love you, it is such a moving thing to hear filled with such mixed motions.
The first time someone told me that they loved me, I was petrified of it but I was so happy and I just, I was lost of words. I wasn't able to think, I didn't know what to do and I didn't know what I felt, I was so confused and astonished. I was so afraid when he told me he loved me because I wasn't sure that he really loved me and I just wasn't sure if I was ready to be loved. I was afraid of the commitment that I would have to make and I was afraid that I was getting in too deep. I thought that if I didn't say I loved him that he would just go away, like how I wanted him to, but he still didn't. He stuck with me for as long as I needed him to, and he never left my side. After everything, I knew exactly how I felt and I told him that I loved him too and I knew that I really did mean it. After I told him I loved him, I knew that this love was so true. People say that it is better to not be in a relationship with someone, but other times, I don't think so. I feel that having someone that is always there for you is something great. Whenever I feel down, he is the only person I think of, the only person I want to be able to talk to, the only person who can actually help me. I know that he will just be there to be able to listen to me, and not judge for my actions, but just love me for me. Some people just don't know how lucky they are to have someone to love them, because some people in the world don't know what it feels to be loved, they don't know how to or what to love. It's not just something you can say, but something you can feel. Love is genuinely precious, and no one and nothing can tell you differently if you know you love someone.
Saturday, December 25, 1993
The Truth
Tossing and turning, I couldn't fall asleep. I've been up for awhile now and I knew it was way past my bedtime. Mommy said that I had to be in bed by 9:00, but I always stayed up a little longer. I was still fidgeting in bed, so I finally opened my eyes and turned my head. My clock said it was 10:28pm. "Great," I thought to myself. I should have been sleeping almost an hour and a half ago. I was exhausted, but I still couldn't get out of my head what my friend asked me a while ago. I suddenly got the strength to get up and I looked around. I turned the other way and saw my sister talking on the phone, as usual. I could hear her talking, because she was talking so loud. Typical Paige was talking about boys. I think boys have cooties and they're mean. But whenever I try telling Paige that, she yells at me for ease- dropping, so she says. I can't help that she is always talking on the phone. I shared a room with my fourteen-year-old sister but since my sister was older than me, she had more privilege than me. We had two twin- sized beds and they were both on the opposite sides of the room. "Paige, I can't go to sleep," I said. "Ugh, again? Phoebe, what's been up lately? This is the fifth time this week. Why don't you just get a glass of milk and then try to go back to sleep," she replied. "I don't know, but continue on with your conversation. I'll be back," I responded. I quickly got up, grabbed a jacket, put on my fuzzy slippers and opened my room door.
Outside, I saw my brother's door open, so I peeked in to see what he was doing. My brother is a year younger than Paige, so he was thirteen. He was really into music and he was an average football player. Standing in the frame of his door, I asked," Peyton, what are you doing?" He couldn't hear me because he had earphones in his ears and was on his laptop. So I walked up to him and looked over his shoulder. He abruptly took off his earphones and starred at me. "What are you doing?" he asked. "I was just seeing what you are doing brother. Am I not allowed to?" I responded. He looked at me with such anger and I knew he didn't want me to be in there, so I held my head high and swiftly left his room. Ugh, boys these days, so mean to their younger sister. I was the youngest of five children. I had three older brothers and one sister. Two of my brothers were out of college and they live on their own, but I live at home.
As I walk down the long hallway, I turn to my right where my mommy's room was. I glanced in, but not too far in so that she couldn't see me. She was lying down on her bed and reading her book. I knew that she couldn't see me, because my mommy is near-sighted. I think that's a funny word, but she said it meant when you can't see things far away. I thought it was silly, because wouldn't you be far- sighted if you couldn't see far? But what would I know; I'm only a six-year-old kid. I had the urge to talk to my mother about what has been on my mind, ask her about it, but I just couldn't. So I just went downstairs and got a glass of milk, as my sister said. I opened the refrigerator door and got the milk. Then, I opened the cabinet to get a glass and I poured a little bit of milk in the glass and warmed it up. I thought it tasted yummy and I even sneaked a cookie, but don't tell, I'm not allowed to have sweets after dinner. After I cleaned up, I went back upstairs, but I had to ask my mom.
I took my time walking up the stairs and impulsively stood in front of my mom's door. "Knock knock knock." My mom took off her glasses and told me to come on in. "How come you're not in bed yet young lady," said my mother. "I just couldn't go to sleep mom. What are you doing?" I replied hoping not to get into too much trouble. "I'm just finishing up my book that I'm supposed to read and prepare a lesson for tomorrow. You know that I'm busy with my students and I have to be done with this soon," said my mother calmly. She looked like she was going to fall asleep, but she's been looking like that a lot lately. My mother works four jobs, she is a nurse practitioner, she is a teacher at a big school, and she's a registered nurse and is going to be a doctor. I haven't seen my mom around that much, and since she is so busy, she isn't able to take me to school or pick me up. My aunty who lives really far away comes to take me to school and makes sure that I do all my homework. I rushed to my mom's bed and plopped my body on it. I then sat up and moved around a bit, just to make sure I was cozy before I started talking.
"Mommy can I ask you something," I said with hesitation. "Of course baby, you know you can ask me anything. Now what is it," responded my mother. "Um, mom, where is my dad? Do I even have a daddy?" I asked. My mother's face dropped. She looked as if she was speechless and she couldn't even move. "Phoebe hunnie where did that come from" answered my mother with delay. "The other day at school, we were talking about Father's Day because it is coming up this month. Our teacher, Mrs. Jill, said that is was a very important day and that for everyone's dad; we were going to make a special card. Then, we went around the room and told everyone what our dad's name was. I thought to myself, what is my dad's name? I looked at my friend Kelsey and asked her what her dad's name was. She said it was Chad, and I thought to myself, how she knew. I raised my hand and asked Mrs. Jill, what a dad was. Everyone started to laugh at me and I didn't understand why. Mrs. Jill told me that a dad is a male parent of a child. I thought that every child was only supposed to have only one parent, but I guess not. So mommy, where is my daddy? What is his name?" I said. I knew it was all too much for my mom to answer. Where to start? She was looking down at her hands and looked up at me. She looked as if she was ready to speak, but she stopped, nothing coming from her mouth. I just sat there patiently waiting to hear what she was going to say.
“Baby, I was going to tell you when you were older, when you were going to be able to understand,” said mother. Her eyes watered up and a single tear fell from her face. From then on, I knew it was bad, real bad. She continued on, “You do have a father, his name was Francis and he was such a good dad. He was in a car accident coming home but you were only six weeks old so you don’t remember anything. Your brothers and sister remember a little bit because they were older but you were just a little baby. He was coming from work and he was falling asleep on the wheel, because he didn't get enough sleep. It was an accident and he drove into a tree. He passed away that night in the hospital baby.” Her voice was breaking every time she said a word. I knew it was hard for her but for me, I couldn’t take it. Tears were rushing down my face as if it was raining, creating a big waterfall. I wanted to know more about my father, what he looked like, where he was from, everything. We were both silent, listening to our own sighs and whimpers. “Did you love him?” I questioned my mother. “With all my heart and soul Phoebe. You know you look like him right? You have his eyes, his nose, and his beautiful smile. You remind me so much of him,” mother said with a big smile on her face. “Can I see a picture of him please?” I asked quickly. She got out of bed and opened her dresser and took out a big album. It was beautiful, pages full of him. He was so handsome, exactly how I pictured him. He was tall, dark and took goofy pictures. Just seeing him brought tears of joy to me, knowing that I had a dad, and I knew who he was. “Are you okay mommy?” I asked while grabbing her hand to hold. “Of course hunnie, I’m fine. I’m glad that I told you, but just know that your father loved you so much. He said that you were the cutest baby that he’s ever seen and that he wants the best for you. You were the first child that he actually cried all night for and he was so happy to see you when you were first born.” A smile couldn’t leave my face, while my mother was talking, I was happier than you could ever imagine. I had a dad, a real dad, who loved me dearly. I missed him so much, even though I didn’t even know much about him and I loved him, more than you could ever imagine. I looked at the clock with astonishment to see how late it was. I then got up off of my mother’s bed, kissed her goodnight, and went to my room. Paige was already sleeping, while her friend was still on the phone because I could hear her talking still. I turned off my light and got snug into bed. Knowing that I had a dad, even if he isn't with us right now, made me the happiest kid ever (:
Sunday, December 5, 1993
Shadowing Holden
Have you ever felt like something was missing in your life? That there was an empty place in your heart that you knew no one could fill for you? Not too many people know what that feels like, but I do. When I was little, one of the worse things that you could think of happened to me. When I was a little baby, my father was tragically in a car accident and passed away later that night in the hospital. Growing up, I never knew that I was suppose to have two parents, two role models, a mommy and a daddy because I only had a mommy. I always felt that something was missing, and one day, I finally figured out what it was or who it really was.
One day at school, we were talking about Father's Day and I have no idea what a father was. Since I didn't know, I asked my first grade teacher, Mrs. Jill what it was. She was speechless, not knowing what to say to me. She thought that I was just pretending I didn't know what that was, but in the end, she finally figured out that I wasn't kidding. So for the first time in my life, I knew what a father was, but where was mine? Did I even have one? So many questions went through my head all at once, and I couldn't take it. I needed to know the answers to the questions or I thought my head was going to explode because it was crammed with thoughts and wonders. I didn't know how I felt or how I was suppose to feel, if I was suppose to be happy because I knew what a father was or sad because I didn't have one with me or mad because I didn’t know about it. I couldn't take it no more; I had many doubts and the feeling of being unsure that I did the one thing I could do, which was to ask my mom. She told me what I needed to know and what I wanted to know. To take my mind of things, I read various novels and books that actually relate to the way I feel and I find it fascinating to actually see how various characters can relate to me. The last couple of books that I've read I have not made a strong connection as the book I'm reading now, The Catcher in the Rye.
I started to read Catcher recently and by the fifth chapter, I have already made such a great connection with Holden Caulfield's story. Holden is a teenage boy that was sent to Pencey Prep, a famous school he attended in Agerstown, Pennsylvania. Holden wasn't very friendly and he didn't like to assert himself. Since he was so distant from everyone and refused help from anyone, he was never really close to anyone that was his around his age and he never had anyone to call his friends. The only person he was close to was one of his teachers and that was one of the only people that he looked up to. His name was Mr. Spencer, and Mr. Spencer cared a lot for Holden, unlike his family. He never really had a family or somewhere to call home. While growing up, he never really had anyone to look up as a role model for him. Mr. Spencer was his English teacher, and out of five subjects, that was the only subject that he actually passed. Mr. Spencer was the only person that actually understood him and listened to him, other than his brother.
Holden was very close to his brother, Allie. Allie was two years younger than him and was a good brother to Holden. He was very nice and friendly to everyone and he was the smartest member in their family. Allie was diagnosed with Leukemia and died on July 18, 1946 in Maine. Allie's death has permanently affected Holden because now Holden is the only boy in the family and since they were really close, he doesn't have anyone to talk to. " I slept in the garage the night he died, and I broke all the goddam windows with my fist, just for the hell of it," said Holden (page 39). This showed that Holden cared a lot about his brother Allie, even if he didn't show it that often. After the breaking of the windows, his parents were going to have him psychoanalyzed but it never really came to that. Also, from just reading this chapter about Holden and his brother and what happened, it seems that Holden thinks he has no use to his life without his brother. You could see that it has affected him through his different actions and the way he looks at the world. When Holden talks about his brother Allie and his younger sister, Phoebe, you can tell that he is really happy and that is probably one of the only times that he is happy. It brings back good childhood memories for him and that was really the only point in his life where he felt loved and wanted. He never really knew what love was until his brother and sister showed him, but now that his brother died and his sister Phoebe still lives at home; the only reason why he goes home is because he wants to see her. From his Allie's, everything changed. Everyone's attitude and actions changed, because Allie had a massive effect on people. Holden was very affected by the death of Allie.
Holden and I are a lot alike because we both lost someone who is very important to us. Even though I didn't know my father, I feel like I did and I know that he'll always be in my heart. Holden has been affected in a different way then I have. Since my dad had so much pride in me and love for me, that is something that I keep close to my heart. Before I do something, I always think about what my dad is going to think about it, and think about the consequences of my actions, and how it will affect my family and myself. Thinking about how my father is not alive at this time but I am makes me want to assert myself and be able to live up to my potential and even more. I want to show him that even though he isn't here with us right now, that I can still do go and assert myself no matter what. When I think about my dad, I think of a proud parent, someone who is always going to be there for me, even though it's not physical, he will always be in my heart and on my mind. For Holden, death had a different effect on him. He is so mad at the world for taking away his brother that he doesn't want to try, and he doesn't want to have anything to do with others. He is very conservative and instead of talking to others about how he feels or what he is thinking about, he keeps it bottled up inside of him. He doesn't care about his family because they thought that Allie was the star child of the family and they never really paid attention to Holden. You could see that from his parents because they sent him to a boarding school that is far from where they live.
Death affected both Holden and myself, even if it affected us differently. Personally, it has a positive effect on me, but even though it wasn't good for Holden, he could still live from his mistakes. Even though deaths are very bad and they affect people a lot, it changes people and it hurts them. It makes me think about how we should take in all things that happen, even if it's really bad.
One day at school, we were talking about Father's Day and I have no idea what a father was. Since I didn't know, I asked my first grade teacher, Mrs. Jill what it was. She was speechless, not knowing what to say to me. She thought that I was just pretending I didn't know what that was, but in the end, she finally figured out that I wasn't kidding. So for the first time in my life, I knew what a father was, but where was mine? Did I even have one? So many questions went through my head all at once, and I couldn't take it. I needed to know the answers to the questions or I thought my head was going to explode because it was crammed with thoughts and wonders. I didn't know how I felt or how I was suppose to feel, if I was suppose to be happy because I knew what a father was or sad because I didn't have one with me or mad because I didn’t know about it. I couldn't take it no more; I had many doubts and the feeling of being unsure that I did the one thing I could do, which was to ask my mom. She told me what I needed to know and what I wanted to know. To take my mind of things, I read various novels and books that actually relate to the way I feel and I find it fascinating to actually see how various characters can relate to me. The last couple of books that I've read I have not made a strong connection as the book I'm reading now, The Catcher in the Rye.
I started to read Catcher recently and by the fifth chapter, I have already made such a great connection with Holden Caulfield's story. Holden is a teenage boy that was sent to Pencey Prep, a famous school he attended in Agerstown, Pennsylvania. Holden wasn't very friendly and he didn't like to assert himself. Since he was so distant from everyone and refused help from anyone, he was never really close to anyone that was his around his age and he never had anyone to call his friends. The only person he was close to was one of his teachers and that was one of the only people that he looked up to. His name was Mr. Spencer, and Mr. Spencer cared a lot for Holden, unlike his family. He never really had a family or somewhere to call home. While growing up, he never really had anyone to look up as a role model for him. Mr. Spencer was his English teacher, and out of five subjects, that was the only subject that he actually passed. Mr. Spencer was the only person that actually understood him and listened to him, other than his brother.
Holden was very close to his brother, Allie. Allie was two years younger than him and was a good brother to Holden. He was very nice and friendly to everyone and he was the smartest member in their family. Allie was diagnosed with Leukemia and died on July 18, 1946 in Maine. Allie's death has permanently affected Holden because now Holden is the only boy in the family and since they were really close, he doesn't have anyone to talk to. " I slept in the garage the night he died, and I broke all the goddam windows with my fist, just for the hell of it," said Holden (page 39). This showed that Holden cared a lot about his brother Allie, even if he didn't show it that often. After the breaking of the windows, his parents were going to have him psychoanalyzed but it never really came to that. Also, from just reading this chapter about Holden and his brother and what happened, it seems that Holden thinks he has no use to his life without his brother. You could see that it has affected him through his different actions and the way he looks at the world. When Holden talks about his brother Allie and his younger sister, Phoebe, you can tell that he is really happy and that is probably one of the only times that he is happy. It brings back good childhood memories for him and that was really the only point in his life where he felt loved and wanted. He never really knew what love was until his brother and sister showed him, but now that his brother died and his sister Phoebe still lives at home; the only reason why he goes home is because he wants to see her. From his Allie's, everything changed. Everyone's attitude and actions changed, because Allie had a massive effect on people. Holden was very affected by the death of Allie.
Holden and I are a lot alike because we both lost someone who is very important to us. Even though I didn't know my father, I feel like I did and I know that he'll always be in my heart. Holden has been affected in a different way then I have. Since my dad had so much pride in me and love for me, that is something that I keep close to my heart. Before I do something, I always think about what my dad is going to think about it, and think about the consequences of my actions, and how it will affect my family and myself. Thinking about how my father is not alive at this time but I am makes me want to assert myself and be able to live up to my potential and even more. I want to show him that even though he isn't here with us right now, that I can still do go and assert myself no matter what. When I think about my dad, I think of a proud parent, someone who is always going to be there for me, even though it's not physical, he will always be in my heart and on my mind. For Holden, death had a different effect on him. He is so mad at the world for taking away his brother that he doesn't want to try, and he doesn't want to have anything to do with others. He is very conservative and instead of talking to others about how he feels or what he is thinking about, he keeps it bottled up inside of him. He doesn't care about his family because they thought that Allie was the star child of the family and they never really paid attention to Holden. You could see that from his parents because they sent him to a boarding school that is far from where they live.
Death affected both Holden and myself, even if it affected us differently. Personally, it has a positive effect on me, but even though it wasn't good for Holden, he could still live from his mistakes. Even though deaths are very bad and they affect people a lot, it changes people and it hurts them. It makes me think about how we should take in all things that happen, even if it's really bad.
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